At The End Of The Day I Love You

Our final dress rehearsal was tonight, and while I've been without much of a singing or speaking voice for a few days, I mostly powered through tonight. With the aid of steroids, antibiotics, tea, steam, and "singers saving grace" I feel as though I will make a full recovery before tomorrow's preview (at least enough to get through the show...don't know how pretty it will be).

I've been pulling back vocally for the last couple nights so as to recover a little more quickly.  While doing so I've found a few new points at which I feel really connected to Tremont.  Some of them are very obvious things that I already "knew", but really sunk in this week, tonight in particular.  The moment when Tremont professes his love for Dwight, and realizes that Dwight does not love him back hit me hard tonight.  I think it's part of the human experience to at some point be in love with someone and not have that love reciprocated, and experience that heartache.  Nothing hurts worse, in fact (been there, done that...several times).  Also, what does that rejection mean for Tremont in that moment?  "I'm not good enough." "He doesn't think I'm normal." "He hates me." "I'll never be happy/find love." "My life isn't turning out how I thought it would."  Perhaps Dwight had promised Tremont he'd help pay for his reassignment surgery.  Imagine THAT kind of shock when not only does Dwight not love Tremont, but he also has no intention of seeing her through her transition.  Tremont has no doubt had a tough uphill clawing through life (in stilettos), and only knows how to fight back, but is left speechless when Dwight rejects him.  (I know I'm using him/her ingerchangably in regards to Tremont. It is on purpose, as Tremont declares his physical manhood proudly (on the surface anyway), but mentally identifies as a female.  I think for Tremont, in that moment of rejection, her entire world falls apart.  She would never want anyone to see that, of course, but it's happening inside, and soon after leads to her botched suicide attempt/smothering. 

Anyway...that went on longer than I intended. I mean to say that I understand the heartbreak there. Tremont just wants love and happiness like everyone else in the world.  

I could ramble on further, but I'm utterly exhausted, and my NyQuil is kicking in. 

This show terrified me when we started. I adore it now. I understand the deeper meaning in it. My only hope is that our audiences can look past the surface crassness and absurdity and see the love and acceptance underneath. 

To my cast mates and the creative team and band, I love you all, and I am honored to get to work with such talented, creative, zany freaks.  

We open tomorrow!!  Come and see...Jerry, Jerry!